Self Acceptance
Mind Lesson Seven: Self Acceptance
WHAT IS SELF ACCEPTANCE
Self Acceptance is the concept that we must accept and acknowledge ourselves to be truly happy with who we are.
Accepting ourselves unconditionally is almost automatic at birth. However, early on in our lives, we connected dots from the world around us to try and distinguish how it works. Under the age of 8 we are very impressionable from influences from our carers and parents.
Both Self confidence and Self doubt comes from these early influences, and we continue to reinforce them as we grow without conscious attention. Many of these beliefs we develop come from ways we “survived” certain situations in the past.
A very common belief we build around self acceptance is that we have to "qualify" ourselves, to validate ourselves and that nothing is available to you unless you have “earned” it. This belief develops lack of worth feelings in many women and cause them to go through life trying to prove their worth.
Lacking self acceptance with these beliefs of lack of worthiness means that many women do not accept who they are. But self acceptance is the key to unlocking personal fulfilment and peace of mind, to be able to become who we truly are and can be. While many beliefs can be deep seated from early influences and experiences, that doesn’t mean you can’t change your beliefs about yourself. With conscious awareness, you can build self acceptance.
And I'm hardly suggesting that acknowledging and accepting ourselves ourselves has anything to do with becoming complacent or entitled, only that we get over our habit of constantly judging ourselves. Avoiding parts of yourself that you don’t like, ignoring, sinking into bad habits and thinking “what’s the use” isn’t self acceptance at all. Having a bully in your head constantly isn’t going to motivate you to do anything, and in fact just create more self sabotage.
Self acceptance also isn’t coming into a fuzzy warm fantasy land that everything is peaches and roses and that you will always feel positive emotions about everything in your life. It is accepting the whole of you, the dark and the light, the things you love and show and the things you want to repress. When you learn to accept even the darkest parts.
Self acceptance is caring for yourself from a place of love, not hate.
Self acceptance is looking at yourself from an objective view, not a judging perspective.
Self acceptance is realising that what others think doesn’t define you and knowing that your own confidence is internal.
Self acceptance is an important step on the journey to true self-love.
BODY IMAGE
Body image is a huge part of self acceptance for women. For years many women struggle with their image and sense of worth based on their bodies and what they perceive as flaws. It is often a woman’s biggest area of judgement, punishment and insecurity. When instead it should be our home that we love and our expression of our power!
Now while it can be hard to suddenly accept every part of yourself, what we have to stop doing is constantly berating ourselves. Negativity won’t change any perceived flaws.
A seed will only grow and become its true potential in a nourishing environment with water, soil and a safe environment. If it doesn’t receive this it lies dormant for years or dies. Your body is the same and if you are wanting to grow and change, you must give your body everything it needs physically and emotionally to flourish.
PERFECTIONSIM
“If I can’t do it right, theres no point in doing it at all” - Sound familiar?
Many women tend to have a bit of a perfectionistic streak in some areas of their lives. Which again comes from the early beliefs that something must be “ready” or “perfect” before it can be accepted.
Perfection can easily be confused with having high standards but they're not the same. High standards can be healthy, productive and good for your self-esteem. However, a perfectionist will have standards that are unreasonable, unhealthy and counterproductive. It’s important to recognise perfection as a problem.
However, nothing will ever be perfect, whatever the definition of the word even is! Done is better than perfect, and allows you to experience much more in your life, open up to new opportunities, stop procrastinating and achieve more!
Whether it’s going to the gym before you “feel” ready, or heading to the beach before your body is “perfect”, life is enjoyable much more with a few frayed edges, and actually experiencing it, rather than sitting on the sidelines.
While it is important to have goals, and a vision, you MUST be accepting of yourself in the moment or you will not move along your path towards them and in fact reinforce many of the self sabotaging behaviours.
BUILDING SELF ACCEPTANCE
Self acceptance can be built! Here are a few concepts to help improve self acceptance around your body and reduce perfectionism:
Forgiveness - Self acceptance begins with compassion and forgiveness. Forgive yourself for the judgements on yourself, or what you have “failed” at in the past. See mistakes as lessons. Do the best you can with what you know or have in a moment.
Comparison is the Thief of Joy: No-one is perfect. Everyone is unique. Comparing yourself to people in the media is only going to create comparison and feelings of inferiority. Only compare yourself to your own journey. However, looking to others for inspiration is awesome! If others lift you up and motivate you, that’s great! If they tear you down, or make you feel unworthy, unfollow.
Change your Self-Talk - Be aware of the language you speak to yourself in, you’re listening! If your inner critic is coming out, and attacking you, you are telling yourself you aren’t worth it and will never be. Which surprise, surprise will stick around even if you do change your body shape, or achieve a goal or do anything awesome!
Focus on what you do love about yourself, and build on yourself. Change negative statements about yourself into a positive or at least more realistic perspective, and start working on that as a habit. Your thoughts drive your behaviours which build you!
Avoid statements that include “should”. We use these statements in conversation with others, as a way of motivating ourselves or keeping ourselves in check, and to express feelings of frustration, guilt, and regret. Telling yourself you should be doing more or being more doesn’t actually help you do more or be more, and it leaves you feeling like you aren’t enough.
You are not broken, and are not obligated to do anything. Instead choose statements that focus on WHY you want to do something. Instead of saying “I should meditate more” I remind myself of why I want to do this: “I feel so much calmer and clearer when I meditate before bed,”. Or instead of saying “I shouldn’t feel angry or sad” instead ask yourself “Why do I feel angry and sad, and what can I do about it?”.
Practice Self Care - Practise habits that fill your cup, or make you feel fulfilled. Take baths, eat well, exercise, have some personal time, take walks in nature, treat yourself. Taking time to give yourself the nurture you need can help you to feel more accepting for yourself.
Confidence is an Inside Job : It is your confidence in yourself that makes you shine and radiate, and that cannot be acquired externally. Others opinions do not affect the way you feel about yourself, it is your own perception of yourself that becomes your reality. Your differences are what makes you, you, and they should be celebrated.
Plan Ahead and do what you Enjoy in your Life - Being organised, knowing your goals and values helps you to be happier in your life and also choose the path towards things that give you joy, health and love. Go back to self awareness, weekly planning, daily tracking to keep yourself on track. This helps to craft yourself with discipline into the you that you desire, and helps to accept that identity of yourself.
Remember, it is fine to want to improve yourself and accept yourself at the same time. This is the key to consistent improvement. Having goals and vision as well as encouraging a nurturing, accepting environment within yourself each day!
Choose Your Circle - The people around you affect your self acceptance majorly. Choose to be around people who are self confident or open minded, caring and compassionate. Remember bullies or critical people are often only that way because of their own fears and insecurities and they are toxic to be around. If you cannot find any positive influences you can listen to audiobooks or podcasts to hear positive influences every day. Over time you will attract people with a mindset similar to your own,
Let go of: “I’ll be happy when” - It's possible to accept and love ourselves where we are right now and still be committed to a lifetime of personal growth. You don’t all of a sudden get happy WHEN something occurs. Accepting ourselves as we are today doesn't mean we'll be without the motivation to make changes or improvements that will make us more effective, or that will enrich our lives. It's simply that this self-acceptance is in no way tied to such results. We don't have to actually do anything to secure our self-acceptance: we have only to change the way we look at ourselves. So changing our behaviours becomes solely a matter of personal preference--not a prerequisite for greater self-regard.
Be Grateful for your Awesomeness: Remember if you are a woman focused on developing her personal power, you are a badass! Look at all the things your body can do for you, how far you have improved since you began and also your kindness towards your body. Focus on what you do well, and what your body is able to do despite of any challenges, not what it can't do. Work on yourself from a place of love, not hate.